Ok so I’m not going to be a daily blogger, I mean shit, it’s hard work. I mean it’s not like everyone wants to read about some stupid shit in my life right? Instead, I’ll be blogging mostly just.. my writing. I want to start writing again, coming up with new ideas. I haven’t done that in so long, just because my brain is so fried and I feel really disappointed whenever I write something now. Nothing I write comes out the way I want to, or I’m just not inspired enough these days. My stress levels are all over the place, I found 4 grey hairs!

I’m about to leave on a plane now to Malaysia~ maybe visit Singapore or Thailand too. I’ve got a stopover at Hong Kong for 7 hours. Great. I’ll be blogging while I’m there, probably just a lot of stuff about the crazy nights I’ll be having clubbing and gaming. We do stupid shit there too =D

It’s going to be fun telling everyone about my days in Canada.. wow has shit happened.

I’ve got to summarize one day. I will, and as well write a new years resolution. Melissa out.

Dear Thompson, today was a good day. At first, it started out flustered and unmotivated, that would be why I didn’t go to class, that and because I felt really worn out and sick. The day started at 11 p.m., under a grey sky, with puddles of precipitation on the ground. After the fridge raid, and body cleansing, I decided that I needed to head out the door – do something, anything but sulking at home. So I walked to the mall in the showering rain, which by the way, was being really finicky, there would be a moment of showering, then heavy pouring, then no rain at all. The damn sky couldn’t make up it’s mind. Oh, near the mall I hopped across the zebra line, that thing..you know, the one that’s on the street and your supposed to walk old ladies across. Well anyway, I hopped from one line to the next and caused quite a wonderment in the drivers, whom gawked at me as if I were some lunatic. =) Into Willowbrook mall I went. My first visit was the washroom, then Science and Nature Co. where I mentally picked out all the gifts I’d get my friends if I had the money.

Rylan: a harmonica
Betson: a Rubik cube
Brooke: a kaleidescope
Kevin: Mythical dragon figure
Jon: a mini strobe light
Jeremy: Tony Montana flask/belt buckle (it’s sweet! you can get it at Spencers)
Katie: Spice Girls poster
Tess: this metal cigarette holder that has a lighter built in!

Now, don’t you just wish I had money? I love window shopping (^u^)b .. Skipped to the next shop, Spencers where I was overwhelmed with a thirst for Orange Julius. So I went to get some, yum, strawberry Julius (*^-^*) I forgot to go back to Spencers because I got side tracked by the Coles Bookstore. Nothing gravitates Melissa, like a good bookstore. Yeah, yeah, call me whatever you want Thompson, I may be a book worm, but at least I ain’t illiterate. I spent quite some time there stirring through the sections, and found some titles I’ll be keeping my eye on for when my pocket fills up. Let’s see.. I put them into my cell phone: a book call “October”, Mitch Albom’s “The Five People You’ll Meet in Heaven”, and the Nobel Prize winning novel “Love in the Time of Chrolera”. Dayum, all I want for Christmas are some hooker boots, and books. Bahahaha. I just want to challenge the heel things, y’know, a girl has got to learn someday. Now where did I scurry off to next? Mattus, for some coffee, right. Then HMV, where I was bewildered at how dramatic the prices of DVDS dropped. I remember when they used to be $40 bucks, but now it’s cut in half, it’s $20. Maybe it’s just the holiday season though? After browsing around, whistling and bopping to the Spice Girls played around the store, I concluded that I MUST get the new Alica Keys CD! I bump into Carlee and Trevor there, they’re from my photography class, and I hitch a ride back with Trevor. And so, that put me all into a cheery mood now. I guess.. I have to start doing my long overdue homework now. Yippie (((((T^T) {O} <— (that’s a well I’m jumping into.)

Sometimes people just need to be by themselves, to recover their own sense of being and serenity. I did that, so I’m happy =] Christmas time doesn’t hurt either, it puts me in such a upbeat mood. I just want to be as kind as I can, even though I try to be anyway ~.^

Irritable, mad, angry, pissed, upset – all the above, and a tint of confusion – that’s where I’m at right now. Why? It’s that damn thing, that damn recurring memory haunting me again, creeping into my favorite place. My dreams are the only place where anything goes, and I finally get a piece of rest, but that’s where it trespassed into. Sometimes, if the state is right, I can lucid dream, especially if I’m drunk. One thing I can’t control is the subconscious, which tends to speak to me in spurts of erratic images that don’t flow, and hold much floundering warnings. This usually causes me to have some sort of panic attack and I’ll wake up from the dream, heart racing, and mind pulsating. I’ll have to write it out, before I forget, or try to decipher the meaning of the nightmare right then, or else I might just forget the dream itself and all it’s minuscule details. This ‘memory’ has a way of making itself acknowledged in my nightmares, there is always a theme of snakes, and I’ll always wake up hearing screaming, as the snake is seen up close or it comes at me.

I’m going to be real up and down these days.. so watch out, saddening is about to begin. And just when the fun was starting…oh fuck off! Can’t run, can’t fix, can’t do shit all.

Enough of this and that, now I’m just going to refocus on life itself again. Fuck OFFFFFF WORLD gah >:0

Why now? WHHHHY NOW?! I can’t fucking deal with this, especially since I’m going off to asia in two weeks! The psychiatrist from Epi better do some fucking damage retaliation, or Imma be a wreck and not be able to go clubbing and enjoy myself in asia.