read more

draw more

sketch more

write more

sleep more

cardio more

relax more

do less, which is more

Everything is just pissing me off at this moment, nothing could be more wrong… And even though I just finished all my exams, and I should be feeling great, I don’t. I feel like ripping everything into shreds.

Eff you! Affing chemical imbalances … stop screwing around with my head.

This is like a new sort of high, a high on caffeine, and it feels superb.

This high is only plausible with the accompaniment of some Benassi Bro, Tiesto, Paul Van Dyke, Above and Beyond, and any other trance, electronic, house- like music.

My brains working on overdrive, and I can’t stop bopping my head to the music – I’m even writing in accordance to the tempo.

I’m studying music, while listening to music, and it’s all knitting together like some fucking brilliant Christmas sweater.

Although I am tempted to drink MORE coffee, curious to see how high I can get, I resist the urge, for I know what usually happens when I seek the thrill and often get consumed too deep, and end up regret being overtaken by the intensity of something.

“Light is just a concept. Light is but a color. Light is you.”

Blah Blah blah, BLOOOGG WOOOOT!oiergnseogehgioehg your highness. My highness! YES!Muahahhahah….

K back to studying, I just needed to get that out, somewhere and anywhere, I just needed to spout out the nonsense going on in my head.

“Hey boy, I’m a rocket in the sky!”

I love getting random text messages, don’t you? K let’s do that now, spread the love, spend the cents, and if your Digi I’ll friggin spam you! >:P

1. Study, study, and do more studying

2. Get school medication form, then go get medical check-up

3. Rent out the apartment

4. Clean out clothing, and give away those I don’t wear

5. Get headband and waistbelt

6. Go Prangin mall shopping with girlies

7. Do something about the Bali Air Asia ticket.. decide what to do?!

8. Apply for SFU next semester

9. Get down to 48kg

10. Go to Batu Ferringhi with girlies

11. Tan legs and ass

12. Get hair re-curled, cut, and perhaps dyed

13. Quit smoking

14. Read all the books I borrowed from people

15. Stop biting my nails, and cut my fingernails

16. Go to KL during semester break with friends

17. Roadtrip!

18. Go for a photography session with friends

19. Wash the cars

20. Get a mini watergun!

She was driving along a familiar road, the one she takes every morning, the one which consistently produces the same ambiguous feeling of unawareness. The gray concrete and yellow lines started to blend together, stretch far away, and escaped any sense of depth. It turned into nothing. It was no longer a path, or a law, or a thing people used by means of traveling – it was nothing – as if it had no purpose. Despite it’s obvious utility, all the meanings ruptured into a translucent image, an image without a meaning. Not a symbol (but everything is a symbol). Her hands gripped the steering wheel, accordingly as how she had always done. Although this time, her hands were numb and had lost feeling. What was she doing again? She had lost sight of what she was doing, going to do, or had done.

She signaled to her left, and without a flinch of her eyes, curved to the lane on her left. At that moment, reality wasn’t recognized, and there was no such thing as danger – no such thing as death. Her eyes were fixated on the blurry image of what was before her, but did not know what it was. She nevertheless continued to adhere to what her body was mechanically reacting to.The perception of everything was so far away, stretched out and distorted, like a picture editted on paint, and you had just pulled out the adjustment box so far beyond recognition.

It was a separation of mind and body, a vessel and her soul. All of her surroundings dissolved into a puddle of absurdity. Words and emotions became inconsequential; black became blue, and yellow became black; up was down, and down was left; love had a indefinite meaning; life and death no longer were antonyms, but were adjacent to each other, conjoining into one thing, and it didn’t matter which one she took.

The indifference was overwhelming, and tears streamed down her face without the slightest reason. There was no emotion other than utter despair; the kind which has no way out.

Although she could not ‘see’ where she was going, or what she was doing, or even feel it, she kept going. She was not frightened about death or pain, she only wondered when she would come out of that moment.