There was a time when I knew what I wanted to do in life, and everything that I did I felt had a purpose. I lost sight of that simplicity, and got devoured into a growing doubt that slowly ate away at my identity. And ever since then I’ve never felt complete. The constant self doubt, turned into shame, so far as that I could no longer even look in the mirror and feel like I did before – it was a bottomless hole I was looking at. So then goes the beginning of the spiral of self destruction. I couldn’t get back to where I once was, it didn’t even feel like that was a part of me and all I saw was what I was feeling then, like nothing. Dissociated from my body and mind, it was like I had actually lived two complete separate lives. One where I felt whole and self assured; the other feeling like fragments of something I couldn’t even relate to, masked by a overly confident facade that was concealed to even myself. The latter, being despair and feeling overwhelmingly hopeless, lost and disconnected for the world, to the point that it had to all be repressed to preserve myself. If not for the self manipulation, and lie that was projected as me, I probably wouldn’t be here. Perhaps I did feel aimless, but it was the self punishment that really did it in. From constantly doubting myself, emerged a shame and disappointment that could only be justified with punishment.

I’m putting an end to this inferiority. Watch me emerge, something you probably have never seen before. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll get there again: to the person that I’ve been repressing. I’m going to proceed, indeed I shall, and emanate as a whole, one person.