Come Hither

Everything is just pissing me off at this moment, nothing could be more wrong… And even though I just finished all my exams, and I should be feeling great, I don’t. I feel like ripping everything into shreds.

Eff you! Affing chemical imbalances … stop screwing around with my head.

This is like a new sort of high, a high on caffeine, and it feels superb.

This high is only plausible with the accompaniment of some Benassi Bro, Tiesto, Paul Van Dyke, Above and Beyond, and any other trance, electronic, house- like music.

My brains working on overdrive, and I can’t stop bopping my head to the music – I’m even writing in accordance to the tempo.

I’m studying music, while listening to music, and it’s all knitting together like some fucking brilliant Christmas sweater.

Although I am tempted to drink MORE coffee, curious to see how high I can get, I resist the urge, for I know what usually happens when I seek the thrill and often get consumed too deep, and end up regret being overtaken by the intensity of something.

“Light is just a concept. Light is but a color. Light is you.”

Blah Blah blah, BLOOOGG WOOOOT!oiergnseogehgioehg your highness. My highness! YES!Muahahhahah….

K back to studying, I just needed to get that out, somewhere and anywhere, I just needed to spout out the nonsense going on in my head.

“Hey boy, I’m a rocket in the sky!”

I love getting random text messages, don’t you? K let’s do that now, spread the love, spend the cents, and if your Digi I’ll friggin spam you! >:P

1. Study, study, and do more studying

2. Get school medication form, then go get medical check-up

3. Rent out the apartment

4. Clean out clothing, and give away those I don’t wear

5. Get headband and waistbelt

6. Go Prangin mall shopping with girlies

7. Do something about the Bali Air Asia ticket.. decide what to do?!

8. Apply for SFU next semester

9. Get down to 48kg

10. Go to Batu Ferringhi with girlies

11. Tan legs and ass

12. Get hair re-curled, cut, and perhaps dyed

13. Quit smoking

14. Read all the books I borrowed from people

15. Stop biting my nails, and cut my fingernails

16. Go to KL during semester break with friends

17. Roadtrip!

18. Go for a photography session with friends

19. Wash the cars

20. Get a mini watergun!

She was driving along a familiar road, the one she takes every morning, the one which consistently produces the same ambiguous feeling of unawareness. The gray concrete and yellow lines started to blend together, stretch far away, and escaped any sense of depth. It turned into nothing. It was no longer a path, or a law, or a thing people used by means of traveling – it was nothing – as if it had no purpose. Despite it’s obvious utility, all the meanings ruptured into a translucent image, an image without a meaning. Not a symbol (but everything is a symbol). Her hands gripped the steering wheel, accordingly as how she had always done. Although this time, her hands were numb and had lost feeling. What was she doing again? She had lost sight of what she was doing, going to do, or had done.

She signaled to her left, and without a flinch of her eyes, curved to the lane on her left. At that moment, reality wasn’t recognized, and there was no such thing as danger – no such thing as death. Her eyes were fixated on the blurry image of what was before her, but did not know what it was. She nevertheless continued to adhere to what her body was mechanically reacting to.The perception of everything was so far away, stretched out and distorted, like a picture editted on paint, and you had just pulled out the adjustment box so far beyond recognition.

It was a separation of mind and body, a vessel and her soul. All of her surroundings dissolved into a puddle of absurdity. Words and emotions became inconsequential; black became blue, and yellow became black; up was down, and down was left; love had a indefinite meaning; life and death no longer were antonyms, but were adjacent to each other, conjoining into one thing, and it didn’t matter which one she took.

The indifference was overwhelming, and tears streamed down her face without the slightest reason. There was no emotion other than utter despair; the kind which has no way out.

Although she could not ‘see’ where she was going, or what she was doing, or even feel it, she kept going. She was not frightened about death or pain, she only wondered when she would come out of that moment.

As most people know: my all so very cliche dream is to change the world, a person at a time.

I intend to do so by being a teacher with a background in psychology. What a better way to influence the lives of the young, and hopefully make a lasting impact that will encourage their growth and life aspirations. Somehow, help them, and eventually they will help the world. It’s purely arithmetic. So watch the movie Pay it Forward and you’ll understand.

Studying economics again, and it’s setting off new brain firings once again.

I’m going about changing the world in a minuscule sense, which is fine for me, just so long as I’ve done “something” I’m content with that. My life will still have meant something, to someone. But I thought of another way, a way which I dislike to ever get into but is very much a viable answer – economics and politics – those sort of things. As I have learned in Sociology, politics are very much influenced by the market activity (the economy). The economy is run by those who have the most power and money that can influence the market. Politics is the significant factor which decides how nations work. Every nation has it’s richest and most powerful, who in turn, have influence over the world’s politics and world relations. To create peace, these people must cooperate to take action about the economy, and reallocate resources efficiently and equally. So what I’m really getting at is this: why not become super rich and powerful to help change the world at large? I could become some great economist that solves world hunger. I mean economics runs hand in hand with politics, but politics are dirty like brown stained boxers, so try for the economy. Instead of fighting the system, I’ll get into it and control it from within; I’ll manipulate it from the inside out like some virus.

Economists aren’t like accountants, and I realize there is much more to economics than just money.It’s not all just about maximizing profit.

In our capitalist system, whoever has the money has the power. What if I could control those who have the money? What if you could do something about the economy, which would subsequently affect the political system, and indefinitely change the way the world works.

Yes… this is very plausible. I leave it to you Brian! I shall keep to my other more conspicuous way of altruism.